If You Love Me…

If you love me, you will keep my commandments… In the love games we play, and in all aspects of human endeavors, maintaining positive relations with each other is a must, to live in harmony and peaceful coexistence with each other. The surest path to keeping good relations with our fellow humans is to know what their dos and don’ts are, and adhere strictly to the same. An infringement of the don’ts should be followed by a sincere apology. A blatant refusal to acknowledge our basic differences, thereby stepping on each other’s toes, is indicative of a lack of respect and by extrapolation, lack of love. True love is only found and kept, when both parties realize that they have …

How to Program Your Own Happiness

“Like computer programs, we can be misconfigured and need to re-program our subconscious minds. ” Evelyn Cole Happiness is a subjective state, a temporary one by necessity. We can’t know we are happy if we don’t know other contrasting emotional states. But as we let go of unhappy feelings, we make room for happiness. The January 17, 2005 issue of Time Magazine covers the “Science of Happiness” in great detail. It cites several academic studies throughout the world. Though fascinating, I found it strange that such exhaustive coverage has only one oblique reference to the subconscious mind. In their article on spectator sports and passion for home teams, “subliminal” jumped into my lap. The complete absence of current research that …

How To Keep Love Alive In Your Marriage

In the beginning of a relationship, love seems to have a life of its own. Without much effort, you feel like you are on top of the world. You catch yourself smiling and laughing often, and feeling warm inside whenever you are with your loved one. Everything and everyone suddenly appears better through the rose-colored glasses of love. This euphoric feeling does not last forever, however. After the first year of marriage, the day to day activities of being married, working in a job, raising a family, buying and maintaining a home, etc., all take their toll, and romance takes a back seat. Love has to be worked on, just like a gardener with his garden. Although he has planted …

How to Grieve a Tragedy

Bad things happen to good people. Have you lost your job or are facing bankruptcy? Has a cherished relationship ended or you have gone through a divorce? Maybe you received diagnosis of a serious health problem. Or maybe you are mourning the loss of a loved one. Unfortunately, these painful events are part of life. If you have to endure such a tragedy, maybe you can find solace in your friends and in your faith. There is no way to completely avoid the pain of a tragic event, but I offer you a way to work through the pain. If a friend or loved one is grieving, you can pass this message on to them. Your should deal with the …

How Do You Define Happiness?

I ran a contest in “Your Daily Dose of Happiness” to see how people define happiness. I was stunned to discover that I am the only person who defines happiness as an extra helping of cheesecake. There were other shockers, too. We know that money can’t buy happiness … except, of course, when we are flat broke. But I figured several people would define happiness, at least in part, as a bulging bank vault or “financial freedom”. Just three people cited money in their definitions of happiness. I also figured many people would cite health as part of their definition of happiness, as in “health, wealth, and happiness”. But only four people mentioned health. No health? No wealth? How do …

4 Keys To Sharing Intimacy

Why do we even care to share our hearts, feelings, thoughts and lives with someone we care deeply about? Why do I want so badly to intimately share myself with thies person? Know what? That’s a question that I’ve often asked myself a number of times. I feel that we do this simply because we want the object of our affection to respond to us in that same manner. We give and share our love with them simply because deep down inside our hearts, we crave their love, admiration and affection in return. Everybody wants to feel loved and admired! And I feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to receive love in return for giving it. Now …

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction. I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This …

Safe Relationship Spaces

I have been counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and have numerous published books on the subject of relationships and relationship communication. Most of the couples I work with, even those in deep trouble when starting counseling with me, resolve their difficulties because they learn to create safe relationship spaces through a process called Inner Bonding (see how to download a free Inner Bonding course at the end of this article). In the depths of our souls we all yearn for love and connection with others. That yearning reflects a basic, even biological, human need. Infants, for example, thrive physically only when they feel deeply loved and cherished. As adults, we experience wrenching, soul-level …